Ads for fake Plummet Mall stirred controversy, laughter

Thirty years ago, radio spots began popping up on Cincinnati airwaves for a radical new vertical underground shopping center: Plummet Mall, where "the best value in town is a hole in the ground."

It was the hot topic during the dreary winter of 1985. People speculated at water coolers and on news shows about where the mall was and when it would open.

No one knew right away – though some, perhaps, suspected – that Plummet Mall didn't exist. It was all made up for a radio ad campaign engineered by clever admen and radio personalities Jerry Galvin and Jay Gilbert.

Both still work in the business, Galvin as a consultant, and Gilbert, the longtime WEBN-FM DJ, now on WOFX-FM (92.5, The Fox). But nothing in their long careers garnered the attention of Plummet Mall.

Was it a joke? A scam? A prank?

"They weren't pranks," Galvin said recently when he and Gilbert sat down to discuss the project. "It was all business." Radio business.

In the fall of 1984, bigg's supermarket had come to town and poured nearly $1 million into television advertising, but almost nothing on radio. Peter Eden, president of the Greater Cincinnati Radio Broadcasters Association, approached Galvin about creating an ad for them that would promote radio.

Galvin was chosen because, in addition to being the creative director in the advertising firm Galvin, Menderson, Maier & Press, he also had a weekly radio show, "TalkTalk" (formerly "Talkback"), on non-commercial WAIF-FM, but had no affiliation with the broadcasters.

"I had a bonehead idea that they approved," Galvin said.

They would create a series of commercials over four weeks for a fictitious business: kiosks all over town with certified medical personnel to assist people with self-surgery. It was called Suture Self.

He brought in Gilbert to write and produce the spots, but Gilbert found the idea a little too implausible. A one-joke joke. It was good for a laugh, but no one would buy it. With only a few weeks to go before production, they needed another idea fast.

Then Gilbert said, "What about the world's first vertical underground shopping mall?"

He had developed the idea back in 1977, inspired by WEBN's fake ads like Tree Frog Beer, and had even made a demo tape. He resurrected the material and produced three one-minute spots with Columbus radio announcer Scott Kahler.

The broadcasters donated airtime, as much as a paying customer would have purchased. The Plummet Mall ads started playing Jan. 14, 1985, on every radio station in town, running 30 times a week.

The ads were coy and mysterious, teasing a revolutionary new shopping center "built straight down – underground" where "continuously moving walkways and spiral escalators take you conveniently from value to value." Each ad ended with "Opening in Greater Cincinnati ... soon."

"We were very careful about what we said for legal reasons ..." Gilbert said. "We're not going to say it's open because we don't want people going anywhere. And in fact, we don't ever want to be accused of putting something on the radio that affected anyone's purchasing decision. ... To say, 'Oh, I'm not going to go to bigg's, I'm going to go to Plummet Mall.' Well, they can't because it's not open."

In advertising, you always have to put in a call to action: buy now, call 1-800 ... "The only thing the commercial tells you to do is to keep listening to the radio," Gilbert added. "That was all very intentional."

The buzz around town started on week 2. The Chamber of Commerce was upset that they hadn't been informed of a new mall. The Cincinnati Gas & Electric Co. pointed out construction couldn't start because no one had applied for service. A woman called about handling the mall's waste disposal (Galvin told her they'd be digging another hole for that).

Tom Brinkmoeller, the Enquirer's television and radio critic at the time, recalled hearing the spot on the radio and being directed to Galvin, who fessed up.

"Once I checked with Jerry, I believe that he thought there was no way he could keep at it," Brinkmoeller said. He discussed the situation with then-entertainment editor Jim Knippenberg.

"Knip and I talked about it and we decided it was more fun to see it play out," Brinkmoeller said. "...We wanted to hear the rest of it. We knew it wasn't an important story – it was a fun story."

Galvin told of his mother asking if he'd heard about the new shopping center: "She said, 'We know where it is. ... The girls and I were driving out Beechmont Avenue and we saw a big mound of dirt east of Anderson Township and we just know that that's where it is.' And I said, '... I might be able to get them as a client for my ad agency, so keep me posted as to how it's all playing out.'"

When the truth was revealed, his mother realized she had been played. "I think she took that anger to her grave," Galvin said.

They had another problem. On the third week of the campaign, Gilbert still didn't know how to end it. Should they confess or keep up the joke?

"The solution came from God," Gilbert said. A severe cold wave had hit that year, and Gilbert snatched onto the idea. The last ad announced that the cold wave had caused "a radical expansion and contraction effect beneath the Earth's surface" and Plummet Mall was now located "somewhere between Greater Cincinnati and Lincoln, Nebraska."

The broadcasters came clean in a press conference on Feb. 22, and television and newspaper advertisers were livid, some calling the stunt illegal.

Gilbert admitted that only later did he realize broadcast regulations require that if who paid for an ad is not obvious, it must be stated. Of course, that would have spoiled the joke.

Almost as an afterthought, they had the Burke Marketing Research Company collect some data on the effectiveness of radio advertising. According to Burke, 60 percent of those polled recalled Plummet Mall when asked about a new shopping center in town, when 10 percent is the norm.

"It's pure radio," Galvin said. "Spiral escalators, deeper and deeper into the ground, the lower you go the lower the prices. It's a whole movie that only plays in your head after coming through your ear. It was (freaking) brilliant. And, by the way, in the advertising world, history making. It had never been done in an advertising context. ... And the listeners had no idea that advertisers were the target."

Galvin and Gilbert did it again in North Carolina in July and August 1987, this time about a politician named Jene Genkins ("that's Jene with a J, Genkins with a G"). Genkins, a "reasonable man" who sounded a lot like Galvin, proposed a pet tax, mandatory reading, and a ban on left turns. The same brouhaha resulted.

Someone thought the ads might be a plug for a new morning show. Gilbert thought that was a great idea and approached Randy Michaels, the CEO of Jacor Communications, the parent company of WEBN, with the pitch.

In January 1988, Denver radio stations played their ad jingle for "Morning Flakes," which sounded like a cereal but was promoting KOAQ-FM's morning team. Jacor even created a corporation, Tastemore, to cover them legally.

"We got away with it for three days," Gilbert said, before someone figured it out. But they receieved a ton of publicity and again made the national press.

Thirty years later, people remember Plummet Mall. Cincy Shirts in Over-the-Rhine even makes a Plummet Mall t-shirt.

"Plummet Mall wasn't the start," Galvin said, "but (it) was the first time that our stuff ... was that visible. And we had no idea that it had never been done anywhere else in the country to draw attention to radio."

Plummet Mall

"Just imagine ... a place to shop where the weather is always perfect, even before you leave your car. Imagine no long walks because each store is connected by moving walkways and spiral escalators.

"Don't just imagine. Soon you will experience the world's first straight down, underground shopping facility, Plummet Mall.

"Plummet Mall goes deep underground, where the climate is naturally comfortable year round and the enormous energy savings get passed on to you.

"This is not some faraway dream in a faraway city. This is right here. Keep listening for the announcement of the location and grand opening of this totally new concept in shopping convenience.

"Plummet Mall. The best value in town is a hole in the ground. Plummet Mall. Opening in Greater Cincinnati ... soon."

Jene Genkins

"I think it's time for every dog, every cat – any pet in North Carolina – to start pulling its weight. And I think that's reasonable. ...

"Yes, the Genkins plan includes a call for a state pet tax. A small – and I'm talking about very few dollars – annual tax on every pet. Think of how many people own pets and how many dollars and services it can provide. The tax would pay for pet-related costs, like park shrubbery, highway animal cleanup, and new uniforms for mail carriers."

Morning Flakes

"Morning Flakes. No outrageous claims, just outrageous taste. The kind of taste that makes any morning just a little friendlier."